To aid everyone in their panic over the upcoming swine flu pandemic, I thought I’d share some common sense survival tips to help make sure everyone is properly prepared. So here are some wrong and right ways of minimizing your exposure to swine flu:
Wrong Way: One night stand with a pig.
Right Way: One night stand with a chicken.
Wrong Way: Rolling around naked in a pile of uncooked pork chops.
Right Way: Rolling around naked in a pile of buffalo wings.
Wrong Way: Get on all fours and squeal like a pig in an overcrowded pig sty.
Right Way: Squeal like a pig in Deliverance territory.
Wrong Way: Pig-licking!
Right Way: Toad-licking!
So, keep your wits about you and you’ll do fine out there in a swine flu riddled post-apocalyptic future. And if not, there’s still the possibility you’ll come back to (un)life as a shambling bacon-scented pig zombie.
